Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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