I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
BRING THE BAGELS
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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