My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Text me some of your sweat
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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