I just gift wrapped bread.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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