Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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