i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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