I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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