Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
