I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
