I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
