i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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