I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
