p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize