I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
