doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
