PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
