And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
