i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
