were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is the high leading the old right now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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