It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
