Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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