I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
