it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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