I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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