You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
God, I missed his penis.
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