My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
