and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
