Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
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