right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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