I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
