She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
