I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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