Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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