Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
