I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
