I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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