Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
