I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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