i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
