i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
