I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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