i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
