he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
