my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
