HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
