That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
