Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
