I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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