So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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