I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
