So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
