Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
