His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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