The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
