Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
