yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
