I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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