battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
