I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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