i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
