She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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