i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
