Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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