i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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