In the future we'll all be gay
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
