Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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