You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
