just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
