I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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