She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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