the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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