I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
