she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
love makes seman taste better
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
