Already got asked if we're dating
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
