break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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